Barnabas vs Hiccups
by sting12
Summary: Barnabas is finally human thanks to Julia, but now he has to deal with a human thing. The dreaded hiccups. Can Willie help him get rid of it or will it be Julia to the rescue. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the dark shadows characters.


Barnabas Collins Gets The Hiccups

The Old House was quiet except the wood that was crackling in the fireplace. Willie having finished doing his chores grabbed a drink and joined Barnabas in front of the fire. Barnabas a human once again enjoyed a glass of sherry until an unusual smell came up his nose. Looking around Barnabas began sniffing trying to figure out where the smell was coming from.

"Barnabas what's wrong?" Willie asked noticing his master looking around.

"There's a smell I'm trying to figure out." Barnabas stated.

Willie sniffing the air couldn't smell anything except his drink, "It's only my drink Barnabas. If it bothers you I can take it away."

"No with me finally being human again, I'm going to have to get used to all the smells."

"Will you have to take any more of Julia's injections to make it permanent?"

"I believe Julia said there was only one more left." Barnabas stated relieved to be free of the curse.

"I'm glad Barnabas, you can finally enjoy what it means to be human."

"Yes now tell me what is that thing you are drinking?"

"It's called a soda. Didn't they have soda's back when you were first human?"

"If they did, my father didn't allow myself or Sarah to have any."

"Would you like to have a taste? This one is called a Coke."

Although Barnabas was hesitant about trying a new thing, he finally nodded. Getting a small cup, Willie poured some of his drink into it handing it to Barnabas. Looking at the bubbly dark drink, Barnabas turned it up drinking it in one gulp.

Taking a moment Barnabas looked at the empty glass, "That had an interesting taste."

"Yes it's good once you get used to it. Too much though and you would be staying up all night. I did that once when I was little."

Barnabas nodded, "I'll try to keep that in mind."

A few minutes passed before Barnabas felt his body jerk as a hic sound came out. Holding his chest, Barnabas felt alarmed at what had just happened. When it happened again, Barnabas felt more alarmed unsure of what was going on. Willie having finished his drink took the empty can and glass of Barnabas into the kitchen. Coming back, Willie became alarmed noticing Barnabas was holding his chest as if he was in pain. Rushing to his master's side, Willie tried to figure out what was wrong until Barnabas jerked making a hic sound.

"Willie *hic* help me something's *hic* wrong." Barnabas looked at him panicked.

Willie couldn't help but laugh, "Barnabas there's nothing wrong, you just got the hiccups."

"The *hic* cups?" Barnabas looked puzzled but still frightened.

Willie looked at his master stunned, "Haven't you had the hiccups before?"

"No *hic* make them *hic* stop please." Barnabas pleaded not liking them.

"Don't worry Barnabas they will go away soon enough." Willie laughed loving that his master who had lived over two hundred years never had hiccups before.

"It's *hic* not *hic* funny." Barnabas stated trying to look angry, "Needs *hic* to stop *hic*."

"Why are you afraid of them? They are just a little case of hiccups, they aren't dangerous. Just try to relax and they will go away." Willie stated, "I'm going to go take a bath by the time I get back they will be gone. Just try to relax perhaps drink some water."

Barnabas getting up went to the kitchen determined to get rid of the hiccups which were scaring him but also starting to get annoying. Willie went upstairs going into the bathroom turning the water on to fill the tub up. Once it was filled Willie undressed getting into the tub allowing his body to soak in the water for a minute. After twenty minutes of washing and relaxing Willie got out letting the water drain from the tub. Drying off and putting on his night clothes, Willie came downstairs to see if Barnabas had gotten rid of his hiccups. Hearing the hic sound coming from the living room Willie knew he hadn't deciding he would just scare them out of him.

Staying close to the edge of the stairs so that they didn't creak, Willie got down to the bottom without a sound. Coming into the living room, Willie had his hands up to scare Barnabas but stopped only inches from him when he noticed Barnabas was looking over his shoulder. Sitting down across from Barnabas, Willie sighed figuring he had at least tried.

"How did you know I was there?" Willie asked.

"Being *hic* a vampire for *hic* two hundred ye *hic* ars has it's re *hic* wards." Barnabas groaned when he found it was hard finishing words.

"Did you try the water like I told you?"

"Yes *hic* few gl*hic*asses glas*hic*ases."

"Alright how about try holding your breath that helps sometimes."

Barnabas nodded shutting his mouth trying to hold his breath and not breathe through his nose. Thinking it was working, Barnabas soon had to take a break but groaned when the hiccups hit him. Trying again Barnabas managed to get a little better at holding his breath but soon had to take in air. As a minute passed with no hiccup, Barnabas sighed relieved that they were gone until he felt one come out. Groaning Barnabas leaned back in the chair unsure what to do. Wanting to try more water, Willie went to get him a glass of water. Having him try and drink it down, Barnabas found he had to stop in between gulps. When the water failed, Willie noticed Barnabas was beginning to hold his midsection wondering what was wrong.

"Barnabas is your stomach hurting?" Willie questioned.

Barnabas nodded, "It hurts *hic* when I *hic* hiccup."

"Hiccups aren't supposed to hurt." Willie shook his head.

"Well *hic* they *hic* do, go call *hic* Julia." Barnabas ordered.

Willie stayed where he was at, "She's in an important conference at the hospital. She can't leave."

"Please Wi *hic* llie, it's been *hic* half an h *hic* our." Barnabas pleaded finding each hiccup was causing his midsection to hurt more.

Taking one last look at Barnabas Willie nodded rushing out of the door running up to the big house even though he figured they were all probably asleep. Praying they had left the door open for Julia to return later, Willie knew if they didn't he would find a way in. When Barnabas had first got the hiccups he thought it was funny, however seeing his master in pain wasn't fun. The hiccups had lasted longer than Willie thought was possible and he prayed Julia would be able to help him. Getting up to the door, Willie pushed it opened letting out a sigh of relief when it moved open. Going in Willie went straight to the phone dialing the number.

"Wyndcliff Hospital, how may I help you?" The nurse answered.

"I need to get a message to Dr. Julia Hoffman." Willie stated.

"I'm sorry sir, she is in a conference and can't be disturbed."

Willie sighed, "She has to, it's an emergency at home with her patient Barnabas Collins. Please tell her to come back home."

The nurse hearing the panic agreed, "Alright sir I'll tell her the message."

"Thank you, tell her we are at the Old House."

The nurse stated she would before Willie hung up rushing back to where Barnabas was waiting at the Old House. Sitting down in the other chair, Willie tried to keep his master calm but knew he wasn't since every so often a hiccup would hit him causing him to hold his midsection tighter as if to stop the pain. Julia getting the message wasted no time rushing home to Collinwood. Parking her car there, she grabbed her medical bag out of the car before running through the woods to the Old House. Getting there she rushed through the open door coming into the living room. Spotting Barnabas and Willie just sitting by the fire made her anger boil inside her.

"Would you two like to tell me why I was told…" Julia cut her sentence short when she heard a hiccup come from Barnabas.

"Julia *hic* glad to see *hic* you." Barnabas smiled.

"Don't you dare Barnabas Collins! I was called out of an important conference just because you have a case of the hiccups!" Julia yelled.

Willie and Barnabas both cringed in their seats as Willie stood up, "He's never had them before Julia."

Watching Barnabas hiccup a few more times, Julia feels her anger leaving her and being replaced by a laugh, "I can't believe you never had them when you were human Barnabas."

"It's *hic* not fu *hic* nny any *hic* more." Barnabas states.

Julia shakes her head, "I still can't believe you had Willie call me out of an important conference because you have the hiccups. Really Willie could get rid of them." Julia states before she spots Barnabas holding his midsection.

Noticing pain written on his face, Julia rushes over to Barnabas kneeling in front of him, "Barnabas how long have they been going?"

"Over an hour." Willie spoke for him.

Julia felt herself taken back, "They should only last a few minutes. Willie what did you have him try?"

"Drinking water, holding his breath. I even tried to scare him." Willie explained.

Julia nods deciding she would have him try them again. Starting with water, Julia had him try to drink but soon found it failing. After Barnabas tried to hold his breath again, Julia knew they had to try something else since scarring him wouldn't work Going over the ways to cure hiccups in her head, Julia came up with a solution that might work.

"Barnabas do you have any sugar here?" Julia asked.

Barnabas nodded, "In *hic* kitchen."

"Willie go get me a spoonful of sugar and bring it back." Julia ordered.

Willie nodded rushing to get it coming back with a spoonful of sugar trying not to spill any on the floor. Handing the spoon over to Julia, Willie stood there wondering how sugar would help Barnabas get rid of his hiccups. Julia held the spoon up close to Barnabas holding her hand underneath it so none of the sugar would fall to the floor.

"I want you to take this Barnabas and stick the sugar at the back of your tongue for a minute before swallowing." Julia instructed.

Barnabas nodded taking the spoon from her. Opening his mouth, he made sure to pour the sugar on the back of his tongue. Shutting his mouth, Barnabas waited a minute before swallowing all the sugar. As the minutes passed by, Barnabas found the hiccups had vanished as he collapsed into his chair exhausted from the past hour.

"Now what caused these hiccups?" Julia asked.

"I tried Willie's soda." Barnabas replied.

Julia nodded, "Yes I believe you will have to live out your human life with no soda."

Barnabas agreed, "Yes I'm not going to have soda and I pray I won't have the hiccups ever again."

The End.


End file.
